community grief tending
What is grief tending?
Grief tending is a term used to describe many different forms of working with grief in community settings. Although many people think that the word “grief” refers solely to bereavement, grief tending is a wide practice that exists to care for all forms of sadness, pain, rage, frustration, numbness, and any other emotion that comes up when dealing with the difficulties and sorrows of life.
A common fear of opening to grief tending is “will I be overwhelmed by my grief?” Grief tending rituals are designed to facilitate a safe entry and exit to big feelings, and whenever we undertake a grief ritual, we always prepare the way with many exercises before a ritual and gentle ways to close and return to ourselves.
The importance of community
Grief tending can create a huge opening, and is not usually recommended for anyone dealing with a very recent traumatic experience or bereavement, and may not be suitable for people with mental health struggles.
Before attending a grief ritual, it’s wise to ask yourself: ‘what kind of care do I have to return to after the ritual?’ You may wish to assign a friend or family member to check in with after the ritual has taken place, as sometimes grief can take a while to surface.
Grief work is not something to be attempted alone – although solitary grief rituals can be beautiful and helpful, it can be too overwhelming to face grief if you are in a situation where you do not have intimate friends or family around you to check in with afterwards.
The idea of community grief tending is to create a safe space where we can grieve, witness, and be witness by other humans. Accessing this kind of vulnerability in a group space can be healing when it is held with tenderness and care.
My practice
I studied grief tending with Sophy Banks from Devon, UK, undertaking her ‘Apprenticing to Grief’ course in 2023. Since then, I have supported Sophy in several online grief tending sessions. I have also worked with Janna Schneewita and am currently involved in grief tending groups in the Dyfi valley in Machynlleth, with whom I am planning to begin offering regular grief tending spaces soon.
I have a growing collection of songs composed especially for grief ritual, and have links to some of these in my song library.
I do not offer 1:2:1 grief tending work, as I am not a qualified therapist, and my training has been focused on holding group spaces for grief tending. However, my study and practice in grief work does inform the way I teach singing and voice work, as so often blocks in the voice are to do with deeply held grief or traumatic blocks.
Recommended Reading
Sobonfu Somé: Falling Out of Grace
Martin Prechtel: The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise